if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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