you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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