I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
