Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
