i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
