I'm so fucking centered right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
