There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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