i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize