He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
