it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
