the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I see more hoeing in ur future
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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