Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
