My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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