just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
