haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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