I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
