does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
