I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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