As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
