the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
