she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
