i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
