I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
