apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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