Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize