So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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