So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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