Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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