I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
