I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
