Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
