I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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