ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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