College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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