Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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