mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
