For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize