apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
