Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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