My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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