I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
nutella sex= disaster
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
