508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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