I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he's gonorrhea incarnate
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
