saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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