So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I haven't been this sober since birth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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