loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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