i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
