alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
