i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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