you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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