rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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