I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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