You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had sex on a roof
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
