That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
