You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
