Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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