The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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