dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
