in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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