dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
