Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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