So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
