i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
