ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
