At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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