proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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