I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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