We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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