I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
