I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
