How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
