I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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