I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize