i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
