It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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