My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
