I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
