I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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