thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
