dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
