That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
