i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
