You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
