guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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