just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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