Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
