I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
