his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
