Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
