Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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