Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
