I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize