then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
