I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
