i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
