Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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